Managing emotions

"I won't be hurt any more, only if I can convince others not to expect much from me."

The Downward Spiral: You give up, overwhelmed. They respond passively, show no improvement, and stay "victim".

Better Alternatives: Encourage any positive attempt, no matter how small. Focus on assets. Provide bit-sized learning experiences they can succeed at. Support how they feel as a starting place for self-improvement.

"I only belong when I am being noticed."

The Downward Spiral: You feel annoyed and react by coaxing. They stop briefly, and then resume behavior and demands, perhaps in a new way.

Better Alternatives: Avoid undue attention. Give attention for positive Behavior especially when they are not making a bid for it. Support their real contribution and involvement.

"I only belong when I am in control, when no-one can boss me!"

The Downward Spiral: You feel annoyed and react by coaxing. They stop briefly, and then resume behavior and demands, perhaps in a new way.

Better Alternatives: Avoid undue attention. Give attention for positive Behavior especially when they are not making a bid for it. Support their real contribution and involvement.

"I am significant only if I make others feel hurt like I do."

The Downward Spiral: You feel hurt by them, and retaliate. They seek further revenge more strongly or with another weapon.

Better Alternatives: Convince them that you respect their needs. Build trusting relationships. Support their need for justice and fairness.